Jokes

[bingo]

 Welcome to the new Jokes thread,as the old one has reached fifty pages....funny bunch we are =P

---> old jokes topic: http://anthonyhorowitz.com/msgboard/index.php/topic,3507.0.html

 Anyway, here we go again ^^ Joke away. I cant think of any jokes at the mo,but here's a short one that they ldidnt hate on the previous thread,so we start off on a -er-jokey foot. Whatever that means

 Darren: i just swallowed a bone
 Teacher: Are you choking?
 Darren: No,i'm serious.

[gypolord]

haha

They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

[bingo]

haha,THAT one was funny!!!

 A man was telling his friend over his fight with his lovely wife.
'' She said if i didnt give up golf,she was going to leave me,'' he told his friend sadly.
'' Wow,that's tough,'' answered his friend sympathetically.
'' Yeah,i know,'' said the man.'' I'm going to miss her.''

[gypolord]

LOL

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me", said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous", said the head of the institution.

"Or else", ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely", said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution".

"An interesting possibility", said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle".

[Pedro-ologist]

ROFL

gypo and all the jokes deserve a ro :lol:und of aplouse

[bingo]

i agree,that one was funny,didnt expect it to end like that! Nice ^^

[gypolord]

ahh when i heard that joke i collapsed from laughter.

After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

[gypolord]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

[Kaurageous_rocks]

drat i wanted to say it
anyway
there was a plane and it was very heavy so the piolt said to drop a few things
ithe frist person threw out a book
the secondn threw out a suitcase
the third threw out a bomb

when they got down the first person saw someone crying and asked
what happened
he answered
yesteray when i was watering my flowers a book fell on my head.
and he started crying again

the second person was walking along and saw someone crying and asked
what happened
he answered yesterday when i was walking along the road a suitcase fell on my head
and he burst into tears

the third person saw someone laughing loudly (and behind him there was a house blown apart)
he asked what happened
the person answered
yeasterday...hahaha*gasp*... when ...ha... i was... hahah *wheese*...
farted...hahahahahahahahahaha*gasp gasp*... the house next door... hahaha... blew up... *gasp-*

[gypolord]

lol i love that joke

[Kaurageous_rocks]

why did the man throw his wastch out of the window
cos he wanted to see time fly

[Pedro-ologist]

I do not know?

[Kaurageous_rocks]

I do not know?

what dont you know

[Pedro-ologist]

I do not know why the man threw his watch out the window?

[Kaurageous_rocks]

cos he wanted to see time fly