Jokes

[Schadenfreude]

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.

[Kaurageous_rocks]

heeh <3 science jokes
Have you heard the joke about sodium bromide?
Na BrO

[Rocket]

Hahahahha! That's so funny ahaha

[Rider rules]

I love jokes about idiots!!!  Here's one:

When an idiot goes on holiday, he leaves a note on his door. It says:
I will be absent for a while. If you need to inform me of anything, and I happen to return during my absence, please wait until I get back.

[MadCatta]

Maths joke, anyone?

There was a big party, and everyone was. Cosx and sinx were jumping up and down, tanx just kept vanishing for short periods, but e^x was sitting alone in the corner. So d and dy/dx decided to go talk to e^x, and d said "Why don't you join in dancing or something?"
E^x replied miserably, "Well, whenever I try to integrate I just end up with myself."

[idreaminlondon]

Dear Juliet,
Now that's how you fake death.
                                                             Sincerely, Harry Potter

[Rider rules]

haha? Never read Romeo and Juliet or HP. So I don't get it. BTW, did you know there is a brand of brown sauce called HP? For the Houses of Parliament or something... Anyway... A joke... Aha!

How many idiots does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

11; One to make the dough, and ten to peel the smarties!       LOL that is SO idiotic!

[Kaurageous_rocks]

heeh its funny
but I never got those jokes...technically any number could be said right?
for example in answer to yours you could say 1 to make the dough and 14 to peel the smarties...

anyway another joke
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."

"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

hehe parents ^.^

[TiggsRulz:)]

Here's one I found...

In the days when you couldn?t count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for ?Water Closet?.

She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a ?Wayside Chapel? near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost! a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster

The Woman fainted reading the reply??.. and she never visited India!!!!


...A bit long though...

[Kaurageous_rocks]

heeh that was quite genuinely funny ^.^

[Rider rules]

HAHAHAHAHA!!! So funny!

Once there was a Mum who thought that LOL meant 'lots of love'. One day her one of her kid's dogs got run over, so she texted him:

Sorry, Kev, your dog Rocky got run over today. Lol.

[Kaurageous_rocks]

hehe thats funny
except I know a teacher who accidently texted that when she sent someone a message about a funeral
it was really sad >.<

[Rider rules]

Oh. Dear.  Duhn duhn duuuhhhn!

[alwaysalexrider]

I have a friend whos mom thought that lol ment lots of love and one day she got a text from her mom saying 'your grandma just died lol'. My friend was just freaking out about that for a while.

[TiggsRulz:)]

Was that a joke, or are you actually serious?