Jokes

[TiggsRulz:)]

Where do you get all these jokes  - they're HILARIOUS

[Schadenfreude]

I'm the mailing list of a jokes website. I get a new joke every day... Some of them are a little cringe-worthy, but then again, some of them are actually quite funny.

This is today's;


A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

[TiggsRulz:)]

Nice, how do you get on the list?

[Rider rules]

Oh my God, the official thought the priest meant his err.. nuts!

[Schadenfreude]

Uh... More his dick than his nuts, but close enough.

Tiggs, if I tell you how to get on the list, I'll lose all my joke material!

[TiggsRulz:)]

Aaaaaaw now i'm sad...
Don't worry, I'm not really, that's ok,  just keep posting your awesome jokes!

[Schadenfreude]

The mailing list is sending some pretty crappy jokes lately. Have a couple short ones instead.

I have been talking to a 14 year old girl on the internet. She's funny, flirty and very sexy. Now she tells me she's an undercover cop, how cool is that at her age?

What's worse than seven dead babies in the back of a car?
One dead baby in the back of seven cars.

Past, present and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300?C.
The Russians used a pencil.

--
EDIT:
Just found this one. I lol'd.

The Americans had just landed a man on the moon and the Soviet Politburo called an emergency session.

"Comrades," said party chairman Brezhnev, "the Americans have beaten us in the race to land a man on the moon. Do not be discouraged, we can still demonstrate the superiority of the communist system and top them by landing a man on the sun."

The assembled apparatchiks applaud wildly.

When they settled down one of the cosmonauts present at the meeting raises his hand, "But chairman Brezhnev, if we try land a man on the sun, we'll be burned up."

Stunned silence from the assembly.

Brezhnev replies, "Comrade, do you think that your Politburo has not already considered that? For that very reason, we have decided to have you land at night."

(more thunderous applause)

[alwaysalexrider]

  That was halairous!  Do you have any more?

[Rider rules]

I played a joke/prank on my sister! I covered a salad leaf in spicy sauce- REALLY spicy sauce- then stuffed it in her mouth! She screamed and started drinking tons of water!!! lol!

[alwaysalexrider]

I should try that! One moment.....

[Rider rules]

Do you have any Tabasco sauce? It's really hot! Well, it was for my sister.

[alwaysalexrider]

  My sisters in the kitchen right now! Leave!Leave!Leave!

[Rider rules]

Did she foil your plans? Oh, and I got my sister's reaction ON CAMERA!!! (Video)

[alwaysalexrider]

No! She's just standing there reading a stupid magazine!

[Rider rules]

Oh dear! But it IS kinda funny!