Jokes

[Schadenfreude]

I blinked at least twice before I got that, scorpiash.

Anywho;

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"And what does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

[alwaysalexrider]

My brother got into a joke telling thing last year. I heard that one from him, but I still find it funny.
     Heres a funny one I heard from my brother,
This priest is doing confessions. The first guy comes up and says "I was cheeting on my wife." The priest said his sins are foregiven, and that he need to go drink some holly water. The next guy comes up and says "I killed someone." The priest said his sins are foregiven, and that he need to go drink some holly water. Then a nun walks up laughing and says "I'm sorry father but I peed in the holy water"

[gatekeeper96]

i heard that one but it was with nuns.

[alwaysalexrider]

You have any jokes?

[Schadenfreude]

Dumb blonde jokes? Gotta love 'em.


A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.  "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm.  An officer is on the way.  He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

[alwaysalexrider]

   Blonde jokes will always get a laugh!

[TiggsRulz:)]

I blinked at least twice before I got that, scorpiash.

Anywho;

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"And what does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

HaHaHa Lol.. I didn't see that one coming!!

[TiggsRulz:)]

There were three girls stranded on a desert island, a blond, a brunette, and a read-head. The only way they could make it back to the mainland was to swim. The red-head made it about 100 metres before she was caught in a rip and drowned. The brunette was eaten by a shark, and the blonde made it halfway to the mainland, when she got tired, doubted she'd make it, and swam all the way back to the island.  

[alwaysalexrider]

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

[Tai]

Idk if this is already here but o'well

Three guys are walking on the beach, a black guy, a mexican, and an american, They find a bottle on the beach and rub it, a genie comes out and says you have three wishes. The mexican says "Well i want all mexicans to be back in mexico and rich." The genie nods his head and the mexican disapears. The black guy says "I want all african americans to be back in africa and rich." The genie nods his head and the black guy disapears. The genie looks at the american and says. "What's your wish?" the american says. "Do you mean to tell me that all the mexicans and african americans are out of america?" the genie says. "Yeah" The american considers this and says. "I guess i'll have a coke then."



Okay sorry if you think that was racist,

[alwaysalexrider]

Nope that was funny! Although I think i'd be sad if my uncle Carlos went back to Mexico! Hes awesome!



A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ?That?s the ugliest baby that I?ve ever seen. Ugh!? The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ?The driver just insulted me!? The man says: ?You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I?ll hold your monkey for you.?

[Rider rules]

HA HA LOL!!! Here's a joke:
How many idiots does it take to make choc chip cookies?
12. One to make the dough and 11 to peel the smarties!

[Schadenfreude]

New blonde joke. Keep in mind they're talking about American football.


A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"

[Rider rules]

That IS funny!

[Schadenfreude]

Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it on the nose as hard as possible.

If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump.